No More Fun And Games

Gotta stop playing myself.

One Year Down

Today marks my one year anniversary for living in New York. I honestly didn't think I'd be here this long, especially with all that I struggled with in terms of finding my apartment and dealing with my job/career.

Where Is Our Win?

Spider-Man 3 took in $151 million in domestic gross box office receipts in its first weekend of release. Add to that the $231 million it had already earned in foreign markets and its worldwide take was already $382 million, which tops the movie's "official budget" of $258 million (though there are "unofficial reports" that the budget topped $300 million). Even adding in the estimated $140 million in marketing costs, and this film is already a given success. Hell, I had to buy my tickets a week in advanceso I could see it in IMAX! As of this week, Spider-Man 2 had taken in $320 million domestically and $526 million internationally for a total of $846 million worldwide!

It's the same story for Shrek 3 and Pirates Of The Caribbean 3. Shrek 3 took in $122 million domestically on its opening weekend and as of this week has earned $289 million worldwide. Shrek 3 was reportedly budgeted at around $160 million so it's already surpassed that and it really hasn't hit its stride yet in the international market. Pirates 3 took in $136 million domestically on its opening weekend and as of this week has earned $624 million worldwide. Its budget was reportedly around $150 million.

But I don't really care that much about any of these movies; I don't have a personal stake in it. But as I was looking at the numbers yesterday, I imagined what the atmosphere must be like in the offices of these studios, in the offices of the production company and everyone else involved. There must have been some intense celebration, champagne bottles popped, caviar being wheeled in, and for good measure, piles of money being rolled in (probably not the last thing), but there would definitely be some celebration. Why not? They won! And then I thought to myself, what do we consider a win in my office? When would we have cause for celebration? Sadly, nothing really came to mind.

At work, we don't have anything that I define as a "big win." Sure, we theoretically "win" accounts, but lately the market has been so shitty that we're more concerned with keeping our current book of business rather than getting new accounts. Even when we do manage to keep an account (which I did a few months back...it was a pretty big account), it still feels anti-climatic. Yes we went out to lunch to "celebrate," but it was a pretty weak lunch and then it was back to the same grind. We were basically "celebrating" the fact that we had kept things at status quo.

I need some wins at work. I need something to celebrate.

Run Timmy Run

All states should be doing this:

Florida Governor Signs Law Requiring P.E. In Elementary Schools

Urban Appreciation

A quote in a recent NY Times article hit home for me in regards to my relationship with NYC:

“If you live within London I think you can forget to appreciate what’s offered in the city,” said Ms. Gilmore, who graduated in 2003 with a degree in corporate communications from Richmond, the American International University in London. “But if you have to commute, you are still in awe of what the city has to offer. You have to make more of an effort to go into the city and to do things like go to a museum.”

Big City, Small City

I often get overwhelmed by the size of the city, but every now and then, there are moments that make the city seem so small. In the last week, I've run into people that I know in some of the most random places. Last weekend while I was hanging out on the Great Lawn in Central Park, I was throwing a frisbee around with friends and we accidentally threw it at a guy and it hits his back. Turns out, it was Alex, a high school buddy of one of my good friends from Williams. Who would have thought that we would run into each other in the city, let alone the mass that is the Great Lawn? And then, just on Friday, I was walking near Bryant Park and I hear my name being called. I turn around, and who should it be but Alex, again. (actually, I guess I run into Alex a lot in the city)

To top it off, on Saturday night I was down in the East Village, walking around with Lillian. We were about to call it a night, but walked by a small cafe and decided to get a drink outside. As we went inside to pay our bill, Lillian noticed someone and it turns out we ran into 3 people from Williams that we know. Small fuckin' world.

Book It...to Pizza Hut

Critics denounce Pizza Hut reading program

Since 1985, that's been the gist of Pizza Hut's Book It, an incentive program used by 50,000 schools nationwide to reward young readers with free pizzas. The program is now under attack by child-development experts who say it promotes bad eating habits and turns teachers into corporate promoters.

Book It, which reaches about 22 million children a year, "epitomizes everything that's wrong with corporate-sponsored programs in school," said Susan Linn, a Harvard psychologist and co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

"In the name of education, it promotes junk food consumption to a captive audience ... and undermines parents by positioning family visits to Pizza Hut as an integral component of raising literate children," Linn said.

This is kind of sad. I was actually just talking about this with someone the other day. I remember the Book It! program. I read so many books through this program in elementary school, especially during the summertime. I don't remember it being that easy either. I think you had to read a good number of books, especially as you got older. So unless they are giving a pizza for every book you read, I highly doubt that this is the reason why kids today are overweight. At least with this program they won't be stupid.

Update: others agree with me. You can also buy BookIt! t-shirts.

My head is not in it right now...

Season of Giving

In high school, I used to volunteer a lot. Some of my best memories are of working at an after-school program for elementary kids from “tougher” family situations. However, since high school, volunteering has become an after-thought. Part of the reason is time. In an attempt to offset that (and assuage my guilt), I’ve tried to give more to charities. While its not the same, it still helps.

Here’s a list of some cool online charity/donation opportunities that I currently like. If you have some favorites, please put them in the comments. Thanks!

www.goodsearch.com

I wrote about this a couple days ago. This is probably one of the easiest ways to help out a charity given that your probably do a couple web searches a day. Almost no effort or direct donations required.

www.kiva.org

This is a really cool microfinance program to help entrepreneurs in impoverished countries start their business. What I like about this is the idea of providing funds that not only empowers the person you are giving to but also works towards creating something that is sustainable.

www.donorschoose.org

This is a great site because it allows you to your direct your donation to a specific project. I think that we often give money to a charity, assuming that they will distribute it in the best possible way. While that is fine, I think it is also a lazy way of giving. This, at least, forces you to read and think more directly about the project you are funding.

www.one.org (www.joinred.com)

I like this one because it focuses on AIDs and poverty. It’s not really a charity in the sense that you give a direct donation. One.org asks more for your time (either through direct volunteering, e-mailing, petition signing) and joinred.com is more geared towards buying products that donate a portion of their sales to charity.

All work and no play makes Jack a fat boy...

No wonder we have a growing obesity problem in America...

How We Eat

There was an interesting article published today in the New York Times about how people eat. This has been on my mind lately, partly as a move to live more healthfully as well as my attempt to save money (I'm more conscious of the money I'm spending on food and as such, the actual food I'm buying/consuming.) The ideas in the article aren't relatively new, but still pretty interesting. I found this excerpt pretty fascinating:

"An appalling example of our mindless approach to eating involved an experiment with tubs of five-day-old popcorn. Moviegoers in a Chicago suburb were given free stale popcorn, some in medium-size buckets, some in large buckets. What was left in the buckets was weighed at the end of the movie. The people with larger buckets ate 53 percent more than people with smaller buckets. And people didn’t eat the popcorn because they liked it, he said. They were driven by hidden persuaders: the distraction of the movie, the sound of other people eating popcorn and the Pavlovian popcorn trigger that is activated when we step into a movie theater."

Another excerpt that caught my attention was this:

“We don’t have any idea what the normal amount to eat is, so we look around for clues or signals,” he said. “When all you see is that big portions of food cost less than small ones, it can be confusing.”

I think this is very true and something that people (I know I don't) think about that much. Most people aren't taught proper portions for eating; we typically learn through experience. You eat until you "feel" full, however, even that is confusing because our perception of full can change so much and sometimes we misinterpret that. Like how often times people misread hunger pains for dehydration so instead of drinking some water, then eat more food. I think we also tend to equate all food as having equal "weight" which doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Perception is a really powerful thing that we often times neglect to factor in or really analyze. It's very easy to get complacent into thinking that what we first knew or were taught is the absolute truth instead of questioning them.

Commited Discipline

Commitment and discipline. I've been thinking about those two words/ideas a lot recently. The reason they've been on my mind so much lately is that I realize that I completely lack both. I think this was a hard conclusion for me to admit because it this hasn't always been true. Growing up, my parents were very good at instilling both of those qualities in me. I have to assume that the reason I did so well in school was because of that (i.e. being able to concentrate, study, read, etc.). However, over time, those qualities have slowly deteriorated.

I think the deterioration of my commitment and discipline really began in college. At first, it just became displaced. Instead of it being applied to academics (I never went to class, even freshman year), it was applied to sports. Even though I only stuck with crew for one year, I was pretty dedicated to it and in retrospect, I'm surprised at how much time I put into crew that year, especially since there were a lot of miserable moments. But even though I left after the first year, with good reason, I still miss it to this day; a lot of what I miss was that commitment to the sport and the discipline that my coach instilled in my team. After freshman year, my discipline was pretty much gone. I really lacked focus the last 3 years of college and it's gotten extremely worse now that I'm no longer in college.

At least while I was in college, I had certain "boundaries" that helped steer me toward being more disciplined. Even though I didn't place a huge emphasis on academics, just being in college made me focus on it to some degree. Groups that I was involved in (there were many) also forced me to truly show commitment and being so close to friends who kept me accountable was a huge boon (I don't know how many times Dani or my frosh forced me to go to class or actually write my term papers, but without them, I surely would have flunked out of school.) But now, I'm a working man. Work is not the same as school and the "boundaries" associated with work are few. As long as I show up and get what I need done, that's all that's required. There is no particular alphabetic grading scale. Sure, there is a difference between quality work product and mediocre work product, but it all gets lost in the larger scheme of things. In school, you work for yourself so there is a greater sense of accomplishment with everything you do. When you're working, you're working for someone else and if you work for a large company, what you do is just a small drop in the pond. So for work to be a real driver for commitment and discipline, you either need to really love what you do (not me!) or be high enough up where what you do actually matters (not me again!).

Outside of work, there isn't much else right now. I hang out with friends and try to do other things that interest me, but even that is suffering from the lack of commitment and discipline. I've become very lazy when it comes to relationships. I used to be pretty good at keeping in touch with people, but now, even writing an e-mail to someone has become a week-long ordeal rife with procrastination. I've become very good at NOT returning phone calls and become prone to canceling plans with friends. As far as other interests, I've been lacking the discipline to actually act on plans. I've got the time since my work hours aren't bad, but the discipline and commitment are always missing.

I don't really have an answer as to why this is the case, but I'm determined to change this in the coming months. Wish me luck...

Housing Virgins

A recent article in the NY Times about looking for an apartment in NYC for the first time really hit home for me, seeing I was in the exact same situation a month ago. I went through the same experiences as those described by people in the story, though none as shady as the girl who was chastised for not getting into a strangerÂ?s van. I dealt with shady brokers who I had to fight tooth and nail with to get deposits back from. I met up with brokers on random street corners in questionable parts of town. I met strange people and potential roommates through Craigslist. The whole experience was really trying on me, but in retrospect, a good one because it helped me grow a tougher skin and my negotiating skills definitely improved. In the end, I lucked out and found my current place and IÂ?m very happy, but I have a couple of friends who are looking to move into the city soon. All I can say is good luck.

Living With Less

With my recent move, I had to go through the dreaded process of going through my closets full of crap. I'm a packrat and have trouble throwing things away. I can always conjure up some kind of justification for keeping something, but with the move to New York and the inevitable space imbalance that would be my new apartment, I knew I needed to shed some weight. So as I prepped for my move, I went through all my stuff and begrudginly threw things away. I had a large trash bag of junk thrown out every day for a week straight. I donated 3 large bags of clothes to Goodwill. Still, it felt like I hadn't made any progress.

So I made an agreement with myself. Once I got to New York, I'd continue to purge myself of all unnecessary things. The only "junk" that would get to stay were things with true sentimental value. Luckily, New York is so much more expensive than Connecticut that basic economics prevents me from buying too much more stuff (though my inner shop-a-holic will probably find some way around that) so in theory, I should progressively have less and less stuff.

This whole process which I've dubbed "purging" has been very difficult, but has led to some good reflection. My original plan was to move to New York no matter what. Luckily, I got transferred for work, but if I hadn't, I had thoroughly intended to pick up and move myself. I now realize how hard that would have been for me (let's take note that it's taken me 2 months to actually move to NYC). I'm not easily mobile. This is not because I'm not a good traveler; I've traveled enough to learn how to get around with less. No, I'm not mobile because I'm weighed down by so much stuff, most of it physical (let's not get into the emotional and psychological shit right now). I've never truely been in need. My parents provided for me growing up and since high school, if I needed or wanted something, I had enough money from my jobs to get it. I've become accustomed to luxury and it's kind of sickening.

One of my goals with this move to New York is to learn to live on less, but also appreciate more with less. Part of this process has been the purging of my physical stuff. Craigslist and eBay will be my best friends in the next couple of months. I'm also really trying to stick to my budget and enjoy the free things that this city (and life) have to offer. Wish me luck.

RIP Kirby

I'm never been a huge baseball fan, but I have fond childhood memories of watching the Twins play, in particular Kirby. I still have my Kirby bear, a teddy bear with Kirby's jersey and cap that one of my friend's grandmother had hand sewn, and one of the clearest memories I have as a kid was watching the Twins play the World Series in 1991. I remember sitting in my basement with all the lights off, watching the series, with my Kirby Bear and my Homer Hankey. It's a sad day...

4:30 am...committee is finally done. Probably one of the toughest, most grueling, and emotional experience I've gone through in a long time. I actually broke down at the end of the meeting tonight; part of it was cause I've slept only 6 hours since Tuesday, honestly. I broke down to tears during committee, and I thought that after the final discussion, after it was all completed, I'd be fine. But as I walked back to my room, I continued to weep. I almost felt like lying in the slowly growing mounds of snow. It was so intense and then I come back to my room to find other things that remind me of my limitations and maybe my character flaws. Why people do certain things and say certain things, I will never know, but I seriously started bawling in my room. I was almost afraid I was going to wake up my frosh. Man, I really need to sleep and take some time to reflect on this experience and tonight. I'm in a hard place right now.

On another note, this is for someone specific, cause I know you read this:

You can keep yourself only so far away from people. The closeness can be painful, but its necessary. The good, the bad, they are all there, but I promise, the good stuff is worth the pain that may come along with it. And as much as we'd like to define ourselves as complete individuals, we cannot forget the people around us who also contribute to making us so beautiful.

So Tam told me that a friend had heard me read some of my poetry last year and said it was good and that she had to hear some of it some time. It made me sad because I haven't written in a really long time, I haven't forced myself to put down in words the things that are making me so torn. A lot of times is just my lack of focus. and sometimes I know that it would be too hard to write and don't challenge myself to do so. I said it in an earlier post...I don't push myself hard enough. I don't think I took that to heart. I don't know how to anymore. I'm viewing things at arm-length. You can't hug people at arms length.

Have I fabricated my own history to match my desires?

We all need to find happiness. Whether its in the things we do, the thing we believe, or the people we encounter, this life is worthless if you can't find things that make you smile. The thing that worries me is how we measure this happiness. How do we know whether we are truly happy or have just been tricked into believing we are happy. Some of the things that I do, some of the groups I participate in...do they really make me happy? Do I really care if RASAN gets $1500 or $1000? Does it make me happy to spend hours writing vouchers? Does it make me happy to move furniture, pick up gross used beer cups, and have to calm drunk people down? Does it make me happy to have these responsibilities? And if none of this makes me happy, why do I keep going back? Why do I try to gain even more responsibility and try to dig myself deeper into these groups? I don't know.

I think its kind of sad when people ask me if I'm okay all the time, if I'm doing alright and if I'm going to make it. Yes, it can be just a nice gesture, but the frequency and the tag on line, "We've been talking about you..." creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Yes I'm over committed and yes I push myself. Would I be better off focusing on fewer things? Maybe. Maybe I could do them better. Maybe I could do better in school. Maybe I'd have more time to spend with my frosh. Maybe I'd be able to get to know people on a better level. Maybe I'd have closer relationships if I just let some things go. I don't know the answer and I think I'm too afraid to see if it is true. Better off just submerging myself in work, in activities, and avoid having to truly commit to things, to truly have to know what makes me happy.

And full circle to the question of what makes us happy. Can you find happiness in other people if you haven't found it in yourself first? I don't know, but I'm starting to lean towards the same conclusion I've made about love. You can't love someone until you are able to love yourself. I truly believe that. I guess I've just become pessimistic when it comes to people. Yes, I've been lucky to have some amazing people in my life. I guess I'm just wondering if people sometimes think that they will be happy with certain things, with certain people that we program ourselves to overlook obvious things, obvious signs that things aren't as they appear. I think I do this a lot. Fuck, I don't know what I was trying to say there.

Songs for the Moment:

"Hope"- Twista
"The Grey Album"- Jay-Z
Fleming and John
Tenacious D
Little Brother

First off, I love Reka. Best ever. As well as Ines. And I miss Romina already.

On a different note: It's amazing how someone else can make you feel like nothing by saying or not saying something. Limbo is always the worst place to be. Even more amazing is how we condition ourselves for pain and punishment and teach ourselves to view it as growth or something romantic.

Bullshit. Fuck it...I need to sleep.