Oh What A Week!

This past week was one of the most fun times I’ve had in the city. It wasn’t because of some crazy party bender and it wasn’t because I was going to a bunch of huge events; it was because I got a chance to see so many of my friends in one weeks time and just catch up with all of them in a very relaxed way.

Sunday
On Sunday, I had brunch at Essex with one of my frosh, Devin. I haven’t seen Devin since November and I was disappointed that I was not able to make it back to Williams for graduation. However, it was good to see him and get the rundown of his senior year, how the rest of the entry was doing, and his future plans.

One thing that was kind of embarrassing was finding out that some of my freshman didn’t graduate this year. I’m not embarrassed that they didn’t graduate; I’m embarrassed because I sent them all a congratulations e-mail for graduation that basically said: sorry I can’t be there, but congratulations on graduating (I’m assuming you all graduated, right? hehehehe). Oh well, it was an innocent mistake. I do, however, feel a little bad because I think I may have contributed indirectly to my freshman not graduating. During my junior year (their freshman year), I don’t think I set a very good example in terms of completing my schoolwork and going to class. I think, to some small degree, that rubbed off on some of them. But I take solace in knowing that all of that is somewhat balanced out by the fact that my entry also produced their class’ valedictorian! Congrats Priyanka!

Another great thing about brunch was that we ran into Vero and Elena at Essex. That’s the thing I love the most about NYC: running into people you know in the most random places, in such a huge city!

Later that night, I went over to Korey and Margo’s new apartment in Brooklyn for a “family dinner.” I had not been over since they had finished renovating/fixing up the place and I was pleasantly surprised. They did a really nice job turning the place into a warm and inviting home, with nicely painted accent walls, tons of furniture, photos, new track lighting, etc. That atmosphere really helped make the “family dinner” feel like, well, a family dinner. They invited a bunch of people over, mostly Northwestern peoples who I’ve met over the years, and it was a fun time. Margo and Korey cooked a great meal which included cheese platters, fresh guacamole, potato salad, chicken satay, stuffed, vegan-friendly peppers, shrimp and crab cakes, cheesecake and a vegan-friendly chocolate cake. We ended the night by going to their roof which had a great view of downtown Brooklyn and Manhattan, similar to the view from Korey’s old place. The only sad thing about the night was seeing the kittens, Francoise (sp?) and Maxamillion, who were really drugged up and out of it since they had just been neutered earlier in the day.

Monday
Monday night was a throwback to my senior year. Evan and I went over to Dani’s apartment in Harlem to try and revive our old tradition of poker night. (Dave was supposed to come as well, but he pussied out because he was stressed about work; the NY Times so owns him right now.) Dani cooked us dinner which, as usual, was wonderful. Dinner included a refreshing salad, a pasta salad, lemon and zucchini chicken, and strawberry shortcake with homemade whip cream. One of the things I really miss about college is living with Dani. We had a lot of fun times at Susie Hopkins and cooking was a big part of that. Lately, I’ve been able to convince Dani to cook more food which has lead to me freezer being full over wonderful homemade pasta sauces. Now I just need to get her to make me some of her delicious Irish soda bread.

After dinner, we pulled out the cards and played poker. During senior year, we were pretty consistent in getting a poker game going almost every week. We had a great group of people who would come over to play. Sadly, a lot of them are not in NYC so we are working on trying to form a new group. Playing poker with 3 people just doesn’t cut it.

At first, I was killing everyone; Evan even had to buy back in really early. However, my luck soon changed and I was struggling just to stay in the game. Before we knew it, it was already 1 AM. We were all getting pretty tired, but how can you end a poker game without at least bankrupting one person? So on what turned out to be the final hand, I went all-in having two pair, aces and kings; I thought I had it. Dani went all-in with me too. But then Dani flips her cards over…4 aces. What a way to end the night.

Tuesday
Tuesday afternoon, I got a call at work; it was Sean, one of my frosh. Like Devin, the last time I had seen him was back at Homecoming in November. Sean was going to be in the city that night and wanted to grab dinner and drinks. Before dinner, he came by my apartment to get a quick tour (which doesn’t take long since I live in a studio). Then we went to Brother Jimmy’s to grab some beers and BBQ.

I was really happy to see Sean and catch up with him. Sean was definitely one of my favorite frosh and one that I spent a lot of time with, mostly because he lived right across the hall from me and because we were always so terrible at getting our work done and as such, we were always up until 4 AM in the common room together, frantically reading and writing.

The other connection that Sean and I share is that he was my only frosh to become a JA. I think he really enjoyed that experience, just as much as I did, and I’m glad he did it. He’s just such a laid back and likeable guy, and I’m sure his frosh appreciated that.

Wednesday
Wednesday was a brutally hot and humid day in NYC. It was so bad that we even had a power outage that hit Manhattan, Queens, and the Bronx. This shut down some of the subway lines making the running subways that much more packed with sweaty, smelly people. So what do you do on a gross, hot day? Go get a big, hot bowl of Ramen!

So, probably not the best idea in the world, but I had dinner plans to meet up with Crystal and we both really wanted to try Momofuku which is a noodle shop on the Lower East Side. It’s usually pretty packed so we figured that any chance to eat there without waiting in line was worth it. Turns out, most people are smarter than us and decided that hot soup on a day like this was not a good idea. We were able to grab a spot at the counter right away.

Dinner was good, but it was less about the food, and more about catching up with Crystal. I hadn’t seen Crystal in a long time, even though we’ve both lived in NYC for the last year. In the last few months, I’ve ran into her at some parties, but this was a great chance to really talk with her and hear how things were going.

Right now, most of my friends are in a very exciting place. Most of us are 2 or 3 years out of college and have been working. This is the prime time for changing jobs or going back to school. I’m sort of in a similar boat so it’s always nice to talk to other people to get their perspective and to hear how they are planning their careers/lives.

After dinner, I had some time to kill so I went to the Barnes and Nobles in Union Square. The scene was hilarious. I went to the third floor to grab a few magazine to read. The entire floor was packed with people sitting against the walls, reading magazines, and enjoying the free air conditioning. I settled into a nice spot and before I knew it, I had passed out. The heat was just that bad today.

Once I woke up, I booked it downtown to meet Jessica. We were going to see “The Banquet” at IFC for the NY Asian Film Festival. As I was waiting in line to get into the theatre, someone came up to me and yelled my name. I turned around, and for a moment, I had no idea who this person was; then it hit me…it was Cindy Lin! I hadn’t seen Cindy in at least 4 years and then, of all places to run into her.

Cindy has been living in NYC for many years now. I knew that she lived her, but II just never got around to calling her. The funny thing is, I was going to the movie with Jessica, who also knows Cindy. Crazy Minnesota people meeting up in the West Village in NYC. Anyway, it was good to see Cindy and we all have plans to get together for dinner soon and also to get Kathy Chen to join us well. The more Minnesotans, the merrier!

Friday
On Friday night, I met up with Vero, Kerel, Victoria, and some other girls down in the East Village. We grabbed a few drinks at Swift, which was fun, but then Kerel and I split off and headed to the Highline Ballroom for the Pharoahe Monch concert. Opening for Pharoahe were The Cool Kids, Polyrhythm Addicts, and Black Milk.

Expecting the show to not start on time like pretty much every hip hop show I’ve been to, we got to the Highline a little before midnight. Unfortunately, they had already started and I missed The Cool Kids open, which I was pretty bummed about. However, we still got to see everyone else perform. The energy in the room was crazy. Pharoahe Monch is not a mainstream artist which means that if you’re going to pay to see him perform, you really want to see him perform. That’s probably the best part of going to underground/indie concerts.

Pharoahe had a live backing band which really made the difference. A lot of Pharoahe’s beats have a heavy rock influence so having a live band really suits the songs; plus the band was just having a great time with it. Pharoahe is also one of the most energetic performers I’ve seen and he quickly passes that on to the crowd. One highlight of the night was Styles P walking on stage to do his guest verse for “My Life.”

After the concert, it was close to 3 AM already, but Kerel and I still had to make it to late night so we hopped a cab downtown to Automatic Slims to meet up with Vero and everyone else. I love Automatic Slims. It’s a small bar with not a lot else around it, but it’s always good time with drinking and dancing. We stayed there for another hour or so, but then everyone started getting tired and we decided to call it a night….a very fun night.

Just bombed my Chinese final. I didn't know how to answer half the test.

also, JA selection letters went out today...a lot of unhappy people...

4:30 am...committee is finally done. Probably one of the toughest, most grueling, and emotional experience I've gone through in a long time. I actually broke down at the end of the meeting tonight; part of it was cause I've slept only 6 hours since Tuesday, honestly. I broke down to tears during committee, and I thought that after the final discussion, after it was all completed, I'd be fine. But as I walked back to my room, I continued to weep. I almost felt like lying in the slowly growing mounds of snow. It was so intense and then I come back to my room to find other things that remind me of my limitations and maybe my character flaws. Why people do certain things and say certain things, I will never know, but I seriously started bawling in my room. I was almost afraid I was going to wake up my frosh. Man, I really need to sleep and take some time to reflect on this experience and tonight. I'm in a hard place right now.

On another note, this is for someone specific, cause I know you read this:

You can keep yourself only so far away from people. The closeness can be painful, but its necessary. The good, the bad, they are all there, but I promise, the good stuff is worth the pain that may come along with it. And as much as we'd like to define ourselves as complete individuals, we cannot forget the people around us who also contribute to making us so beautiful.

man i love my frosh...when I'm actually in the entry (which almost like never), i get to see this amazing, thoughtful side of them...damn...

weird night.

got my frosh drunk.

got bit and licked by a girl.

drank alcohol straight out of multiple different bottles.

danced

danced with my frosh

watched my frosh get on each other while dancing

averted a naked run through the dorm

porn with the frosh

tried to go to bed

had to throw a frosh out of my bed

cleaned up broken glass

finger bleeds

looking at an almost finished handle of vodka

finished bottle of baileys

almost finished bottle of khulua

wishing home could be this crazy

debating sleep...

I was looking forward to this next week, even though its finals. I don't have too much left to do for classes, so I thought I could enjoy my time here at Williams. Really enjoy each day, especially with this amazing snowstorm that we are caught in right now. More than a foot has fallen on the ground today. Its perfect weather, and yet at this moment, I want to be as far from here as possible. I can't get it out of system. I've tried over and over and I think its about time I just jumped on the tracks and see what happens. But yeah, JA loneliness? I have to tell all these sophomores that it occurs, but it gets better, etc. etc. I don't know. It gets lonely over here and I can't seem to find a solution. The people have stopped visiting and as the snow piles up more and more, they'll visit less and less. It's a lonely time and sometimes it feels like it will be that way for the rest of my time here.

Why do I always want the one thing that i don't need? Oh me.There are so many things to be happy about this year; honestly, it has been a really good year. The entry is amazing, such cool kids, but at the same time, the stresses of junior year have been hitting pretty hard. This is probably one of the worst semesters for me academically. It has been a struggle to keep everything balanced, and I have done a pretty poor job of things. When i get disenchanted with my classes, I start to think that maybe its not the classes, but that I'm in the wrong place or at least pursuing the wrong things. On many levels, I believe that it is true. I'm finding greater joy in things like music and coding web pages; more technical things keep me motived, things that are far more tangible. And then it hits me; amidst all this contemplation on what I want to do with my life, maybe I'm being hindered by my imagination and my detachment from reality. I remember back in first year that I told Kalona that I always went to sleep imagining something, like i was a rap star, actor, married, etc. I went to bed imagining something and she said that was the coolest thing cause I ended the day doing something that I wanted to do, ended the day on a nice note. I used to agree, but I'm beginning to feel like my head is way too far rooted in the non-reality and it makes it hard for me to see what is right there. Probably many missed opportunities just because I was imagining something else, imagining things where nothing existed and placing all my energy there.

Where does all this ranting lead to? Obviously to the conversation about relationships. If you ever ask me, I'll usually tell you that being single has many good things to it, but if I had the chance to be in a relationship, I'd jump at it. God, how many times have tried to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship, a good one. I think that a lot of this came to a head for me tonight because Ashley and I took our entry up to Hopkins Forest to spend the night in the WOC cabin and of course games like truth and dare and never have I ever came up. first off, I have a reputation in my entry for being a little sketchy. Part of it is that in the beginning of the year, I had a lot of girl friends who came over to hang out a lot; our quote board even has like 3 quotes from Eric's anonymous girls. Anyways, my entry thinks I'm all over that, which I'm obviously not. If anyone knew me well, they would know that I'm probably one of the most conservative people when it comes to relationships. We played never have I ever and I was one of the last people out, which basically means I'm one of the least sketchy. Is that a terrible thing to be? Hell no, but it just got me thinking about relationships and the lack of them. Is there anyone in my life who could be the one? Probably not and most of the time, most of the girls I really like are good friends of mine and its too hard to start something cause of the risk involved and anyways, I usually find out that the feelings are totally one-sided, which is always a blow to the ego. Anyways, I always want to be in a relationship and never am.....this entry did not turn out as i planned.

So I totally forgot (or at least chose to forget) that I put my blog address on my buddy profile on IM and that everyone, especially people at school would eventually find it. It's not a bad thing, I guess I've just been writing a lot of stuff lately that I thought only people from back home were reading. It's kind of weird when your blog comes up as the topic of discussion; mostly people saying that it is so sad and depressing. What do you say to that? Nothing really, but its nice to know that people read it and care. But yeah, I wanted to make this post warm and fuzzy, and its really a struggle cause right now I kind of feel like shit. I'm stuck in Jesup, and most likely will be all night, trying to do my Chinese while at the same time trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. But before I go into some long rant about my current situation, I thought I'd bring to light some nice things that have happened lately, not only for the people who think this blog is so depressing, but also so that I can look back and remember these moments.

ACE Bonding
So on Thursday, Step Afrika (a pain in my side for weeks) finally performed and was done with. To celebrate, we had ACE officers bonding, which for the most part I wasn't planning on attending due to my ass-load of work. But against better judgement I did, and I'm glad I did. I just hung out and drank with a lot of good people and of course, to maintain a solid drinking reputation, I downed two drinks in like 5 minutes to be crowned the champion for the night. To say the least, I was pretty wasted and put on an excellent show for my frosh when I got back to the entry. I think it was the first time that they all saw me pretty trashed, but I was told I was hilarious, which is good. Though I didn't get the work I needed to get done, it was still a good night. Thanks to Vero and Drew for continually harassing me to come to ACE Bonding.

Halloween Night
So I haven't been a big Halloween person in a long time, but cause I'm a JA and I love my entry, I did the Halloween thing. Ashley and I got a bunch of food and drinks, decorated the entry, and even made Halloween colored jello shots. The night was pretty crazy. I learned a lot about my entry. Let's just leave it at that, but it was really fun just to party with them and take them to a party. I really do love the entry and If I had a choice, I would spend most of my time there. But yeah, a good night was had by all I think with a lot of new experiences.

Snacks Tonight
Snacks went as usual tonight, but afterwards we decided to play a game, something a little more physical than usual. Red Rover in the Frosh Quad. Sounds stupid at first, but damn, that game is dangerous. Never had so much fun just running around like that. Good to be a kid again.

Chinese test in 9 hours....I'm fucked. On top of that, I just found out that one of my best friends has been dating my frosh for the last couple weeks. I'm so out of the fucking loop.

Crap. What kind of mess have I gotten myself into? I've got at least three days of homework that I need to complete all by tonight and all these meetings that keep coming up today are really messing with my schedule. But besides all the work, this has been a tough weekend as a JA. Frosh puking (not just my own mind you), threats of the snack bar closing early (two puking incidents in two nights in the snackbar is not helping the cause), trying to defend the frosh class to other people who want to use them as a scapegoat, and then the kicker, a prefrosh being sent to the hospital last night. I'm not sure I'm up to this responsibility anymore as are most of the other JAs. Its scary stuff. I don't know if I can go out anymore. I mean, going out with friends, maybe drinking and partying a little, and then coming back and having sick people. I mean, if you aren't in the right state of mind, how can you deal with it? When I was taking care of people on Friday, I was not all there. I might have been able to do a better job if I was. And last night, my friend who was trying to take care of the drunk prefrosh and call the ambulance, he wasn't all there. And he had every right to go out last night and party a little and enjoy himself. Its just scary shit; all the liability aside, I just want these kids to be safe and I don't see that happening a lot lately. I just wish I had more time to focus on this stuff, and more time to spend with my entry, but I'm realizing slowly and slowly that I'm not spending enough time taking care of myself. My academics are going to shit again and my personal life is always a mess. Damn, when will a break come?

What a night...not exactly what I expected. Getting puked on is not the most enjoyable experience.

First time at rugby late night...I did it for my girls. Happy birthday Jennie. God, why did we play the game that everyone wins like 6 TIMES!!!! That's a lot of drinking. Add to that that today is NOT mountain day.

Why do we trick ourselves into believing in all these stupid things? I've been trying to decide if I feel lonely here at Williams. I can't really say that I'm lonely here; I've got an entry who is great, always hanging out in my room, even when I'm not there. Should I be worried or flattered that one of my frosh told me that she came into my room while I was gone, propped the door open and turned on my lights and then left just because she said she feels weird when I'm not around or when my door is closed and that having it open and the lights on was comforting? I'll take it as flattery for now. But back to the fact of loneliness. I find myself missing home a lot more this year and really missing my friends and all those great carefree moments. I think I'm beginning to realize that the time in my life were I need to be serious is quickly approaching and that scares the shit out of me. I refuse to live like that. I'm under a lot of pressure right now to find a good summer internship, but I'm slowly realizing that I don't want any of that. I want to do something fun and creative; that's why I'm so excited for my winter study project. God, I can't wait to get started on that. I think if I want to do it well, I need to drop my math class this semester. Hmmmm...

But back to the whole loneliness thing, I think I'm just getting moody lately. I know the reasoning behind at all. I need to stop that. But I know when I'm getting really moody cause I switch over from my usual hip hop playlist and listen to non-stop rock n roll, folk, and soul. I'm listening to Counting Crows right now. That can't be a good sign.

What have I gotten myself into?

Damn, don't know if I'm going to make it this year. Things are going great, but I can already see the pressure building and a lot of drama coming. And as much as JAing is the shit, it takes up a lot of time. Starting homework at 1 am is not gonna fly forever and then add on that my responsibilities to my friends....shit...Chinese is going to be a bitch tomorrow morning.

I LOVE MY FROSH!!! But they take up so much of my time, which is why work starts at like 12 am every night. I should post something, just for my sanity. Shall we say around 3 am tonight? Will you meet me?

My god, these last few days have been a blur. The entry is really shaping up, but sadly, I feel very self-conscious and feel as though the entry is shaping up well...just without me. Part of it is my fault because I don't think I've made myself readily available to everybody, and I'm not around as much as I'd like to be...co-prez duties, WOW, work, etc. I'm still learning' how to do the whole balance of entry life and my life, though I wish there were no line. So yeah, its been good, but nothing like I expected. Really glad Ashley is here. She seems to be making a lot of great connections with the frosh which is great, but I would be lying if I said I didn't get jealous every now and then. Damn...jealous already. That sucks. I need to get over that. But yeah, I really love my frosh. They are an amazing group and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better and to let them get to know me. I kind of just want to fast forward to two months from now. I also realize that there are so many things that I have neglected in these last few days like my family and my job. That last thing really needs to get done. This is gonna be a tough year...

Only one day with the first-years here and I'm already about to die. Yesterday was so tiring and today doesn't seem to be getting any better. I just want a night to really sleep...and in my own bed...

Damn...it has been a while. Wish I could have caught up sooner, but this week has been crazy. It all started last Friday. I was still writing my damn econ policy memo when the clock struck 6:30 am and Nate picked me up. He dropped my tired ass off at Albany and thus began a 8-hour trek by plane and train to Northwestern to make my second Dillo Day appearance. It was a fun time. Arnaub and Chris also came down, but the best part was seriously seeing all those Northwestern kids cause I love them all to death. I'm a little hazy on all the details as we were drunk quite a bit and I was really tired from the week of no sleep, but we partied hard. I got to see Margo's apartment and actually slept there all three nights. Kind of crazy. We watched some good movies while there too. Saw Matrix 2, ehhh...its was good, but bogged down by all the info it had to get out. Equilibrium was pretty hot, though I passed out for part of it. X-Men 2 blew me away. Was totally reliving my whole childhood. For a while I had forgotten all about my comic book nerd days; god I miss those. Anyways, we missed the porn today. No episodes of me, Margo, and Jon outside the auditorium, chugging wine before sneaking into see some dirty ass 70's porn with a Jason Lee look-a-like. But it actually turned out that me, Margo, and Jon hung out a lot again this Dillo Day. We broke off from the group and did our own thing every now and then. And again I went and bought liquor with Jon. Funny shit. We def. did not drink as much this time around and we def. napped a whole lot more. Just the stress of school I figure.

Saturday was a great time though. Woke up nice and late, hung out on the rocks at the lakefill. Saw Blackalicious and The Crystal Method. Such a good time. Ran into John Ostlund by chance in the crowd and he brought exactly what I needed. Then Margo and I got crazy and sniffed around for some other friendly people. The night was so much fun, especially seeing Kee Won, Wen, and Margo crowd surf. The crowd was crazy. Some how I made it to the very front and we were wrecking the riot gates. They almost fell over. Anyways, Dillo Day was fun and the day after, just chilling with Margo and the rest of the crew was good too. Lots of time to relax.

Then I headed back to Williams to move out. That was a bad move...leaving campus without doing any packing. Also, going out on Monday night to party again with my JA class and not packing was a bad idea. I was up all Monday night packing and then spent all of Tuesday moving stuff to storage, moving furniture, driving a U-Haul (yeah, you should have seen me drive that thing), and moving into Fay. I got really stressed during the whole moving ordeal because I didn't feel like everyone was doing their equal share and it sucked being the JA prez and worrying about everyone. I have to realize that you can't make everyone happy, especially some people. But after moving all the stuff, we had a good time kicking off JA training. Partied hard. The nakedness started as a bunch of JAs streaked Morgan (all 4 floors plus the basement). It was pretty funny. My co was all in that. I guess I'll just be the modest one since she likes the nakedness.

Wednesday was...interesting. I was so fucking tired that I was falling asleep in like every meeting. Nicky and I had some confrontations with Dan and Maria, which I really didn't want. I think the two of them are great, just some minor conflicts arose. I still love them. Also, we had the infamous, JA Scavenger Hunt. So much fun. So much nakedness. So much crazy shit. God I wish we still had the pictures. Let me just say that my JA nickname is "Rubber Duckie." Ask me about it sometime. We partied pretty hard on Wednesday night. Lots of good times there, sneaking beers into the Log, getting some good JA training in by dealing with drunk, puking people. Thursday was good too, but kind of a downer, knowing that it was the last day of training. But we had fun. Some really great discussions about diversity which made me see my fellow JAs in a totally different light. Damn kids are so smart and articulate. Partied again at night. Got jolly and then crashed hard, I took it pretty easy today, trying to get all my reimbursements in and getting paid. Chilled will Mikey and Denise, which was fun. Barb and Gail (love those two ladies) took care of me today and made sure I had food to eat. They're like moms for the whole frickin campus. Chilled with Aron. He's leaving for Boston tomorrow and then starts his cross-country bike trek on Tuesday. That is going to be so freaking awesome. Then I went to the MCC and watched movies and MTV all night and hid from security. That's what pisses me off so much. Now that school is over, we are no longer treated as students, but strangers. The school has cut off access to all of the building for most people. I had to even beg the MCC to give me access. Wtf? I work my ass off for the MCC and they won't give me access. I actually have some work to do, but I also want to chill there too. I mean, if we are allowed 24-hour access during the year, then why the hell not in the summer? Shit, I have stuff stored there that I need to get before I leave. Anyways, I'm keeping it chill tonight cause I've been partying for a week straight and its gonna be the same story next week. I'll be back soon...just needed to get this written down.

So the JA housing draw was ridiculous, but in the end, it worked out well for Ashley and me. We're going to be in Willy F next year and it's going to be crazy. Plus I'm JA co-prez...now if I could just get my academics in order...