Upcoming Travel Plans

June 23-24: Hartford, CT

June 24-28: NYC

July 25-28: San Francisco

*edited

I Love Cali

Heard this constantly when I turned on the radio in Cali last weekend.

Ya Boy- We Run L.A. ft. Dr. Hollywood

Holiday Plans

Only two more weeks...

Dec. 21-29: SoCal
Dec. 30-31: Cancun/Isla de Mujeres, Mexico
Jan. 1-2: Valladolid, Mexcio & Chichen Itza
Jan. 3-4: Coba & Tulum, Mexico
Jan. 4: Cancun, Mexico
Jan. 5- Back to NYC

WTF?

Epic fail for my 3rd home.

Scroll down to Prop 8:

http://vote.sos.ca.gov/Returns/props/59.htm

SF Gate Article

Good Morning

I miss seeing this in the morning...

5 Weeks

until i get to see my niece and nephew again. :(

Goodbye Minnesota

It's official. My parents have put our house up for sale. If all goes as planned, they should be in California by the end of the year.

Check out the listing and the virtual tour.

California Dreamin'

I came into work this morning really missing Haley and Jacob so I though I'd post these picks from my last trip out to Cali a couple weeks ago.

Thank You Justin Timberlake

for paying for my plane ticket to Cali. I had tickets to his last show at Continental Arena in NJ, but instead of going, I sold them off and made a nice little profit that paid for my ticket to SoCal this week. Well worth it since now I'm sitting in the sun relaxing!

Running For Hunger

I ran my first “charity run” today. Being in California for the holidays, I thought it apt to take advantage of the beautiful weather so I ran the Dana Point Turkey Trot 5K. I didn’t have any specific expectations for the run, except that it would be a fun and for a good cause. However, I was pretty happy with my time of 25:02. Not bad, but I’m hoping that when I do my next run, my time improves…and that I don’t get passed by some punk 10-year-old kid.

So today was not the funnest experience. I was in a car accident this morning. Thankfully for once, this one was not my fault. Basically I was exiting the on ramp to the highway when the lady next to me lost control, started fishtailing and then slammed into me, sending me spinning (kind of like that night back in high school, remember Di and Arnaub?) where I came to a stop, facing the opposite direction on the highway. The car, which is my brother's, is pretty banged up. I think I'm alright, though I do have some stiffness in my lower back which worries me. I did go see a doctor already and he says I'm fine, so hopefully nothing to worry about. I am really pissed though cause now my brother has to worry about the car and insurance and all that other crap and I'm leaving soon which makes the whole situation more difficult. Also, the lady who hit me was kind of strange. I don't even know how she lost control of her car. She said she hit some water, but there wasn't really much water there, not enough to hydroplane. All I can say is that So-Cal people can't drive.

So sick. It just hit me on the way home for work. A sudden coldness that wouldn't (and still) won't go away. Let's remember that I'm in California, where it stays pretty constant at 80+ degrees and I've been wearing three pairs of pants, a t-shirt, a long shirt, a hoody, socks, all wrapped up in blankets and I'm still cold. My head is pounding, not really sure if I'm awake or asleep, kind of drifting between both, but I just can't seem to let myself be sick. Not during my last week in California. There's plenty of time to get sick when I get home to MN and I have my parents to take care of me and spoil me.
Ughhhh....

My Parents
So my last post got cut short cause my I had to go pick up my mom, etc. etc. My parents were here in Cali over the 4th and my mom stayed a couple extra days. It was a little difficult cause I had to change my schedule around a bit to accommodate my mom, but I'm glad she stayed. It was nice to see her and my dad. I don't get along with them that well. I don't really get along with my family that well. I've been realizing this a lot lately. I'm not very real with them either. They don't know that much about me cause I hide it from them and don't let them in. I guess I've had a couple revelations in the last day or two that i need to express.

I tend to push people away a lot. Being at the EDGE (EDGE is the college-group at Newsong Church) has really helped me realize this. I always piss and moan to friends about girls and how I want someone to share life with, but I've realized that one of the reasons that doesn't happen is because I don't let it. Subconsciously I think I know that I'm not ready for that in my life. I need to learn to share myself with the people already around me, especially family, before I can even think about being able to share myself on an intimate level with a significant other. I'm a very dramatic person, especially in my imagination and I've run this "movie scenario" (as I like to call it) through my head before where my significant other breaks up with me (in a rainy scene underneath streetlights, of course). She tells me that we can't be together cause I need to find myself first. I'm using the relationship to define myself when what I really need to first is define myself as a person, alone, single, stripped down, before I can share myself with her. It's all pretty stupid and melodramatic, but seems right for the state of mind I'm in.

Sometimes people say that the best way for a girl to judge a guy is by how he treats his mother cause that is how he will treat her. I've always scoffed at that cause I want to say, "Wait, the relationship with my mom is different. We don't understand each other, but that's not my fault. It's hers." I guess that conversation would speak volumes to the girl as how our relationship would turn out. It does hurt me that I don't know a lot about my parents and vice versa. I guess it's just the way its always worked. Our relationship has been sustained, but mostly through mechanical maintenance. We know how to make the machine work and get through the day, but we never worked on the efficiency; we never tried to make the machine do new things. We found one thing that worked and stuck with that.

It kind of all goes back to how I used to have a lot of trouble saying "I love you" to my parents. I always assumed it was a given cause for a while, they just assumed I could take care of myself and our whole relationship seemed like a given. So did the "I love you." Suddenly they started saying it a lot, signing e-mails with it, etc. It really struck me cause I wasn't sure how to respond. One time my dad sent me an e-mail saying basically, "Hi. How are you? We miss you. Love, Dad." I think that e-mail made me cry. It was just too weird, my parents being very emotional towards me cause growing up, I kind of pushed them away. As a little kid, I was embarrassed by the gushy parents and pushed them away. I know I'm not the only person who did that. It just stuck for too long.

So what do I do about the situation with my parents? I don't know. I'd like to be real with them, let them know what's going on in my life, more than just the every day "school is good. lots of homework." conversation. But I'm afraid they will not understand me. Maybe I don't give them enough credit. I assume the first-generation/second-generation differences are a huge barrier but I don't think I've tested those enough. To be real with them I need to be willing to take a risk. For now, small steps.

Newsong
On another note, I need to say how much I love Newsong and the people there. They truly are a blessing on my life and it is just so strange how all the things involving Newsong and California play out. I'm not saying everything is perfect, but I feel comfortable calling Newsong one of my homes. I know, Eric back in church...what is that? How long will it last? I'll probably fall back in the same rut when I get back to Williams, so is this summer of Newsong worth it? It's funny how Sandy keeps asking me if I regret going to Williams. She keeps forgetting that she asks me and then asks again, kind of like something in the back of my head pulling at me, asking me to really think through the question. Of course I just want to say, of course I don't regret my decision. I'm happy at Williams. And I am happy there, on some levels. But I don't know if the excuse of, "well the people make up for it" is enough anymore. I had the same feeling last summer, that I'd consider switching schools just to be in California and close enough to attend Newsong on a regular basis. How crazy is that? To switch schools for a church? But even though I fell away from God and religion over this past school year, I was still reminded of Newsong because of the community here. I didn't meet that many people last summer and didn't make that many deep connections, but some people still cared enough to keep up with me through either e-mail, AIM, or my blog and checked on me when things were looking bad. Its the little things.

So its another summer at Newsong and I'm in a small group. And I stress the word small. My small group today consisted of me, my leader, and one other guy. Not what I expected and I was a little disappointed at Newsong. For the first couple of hours, I though Summer Slam was very poorly planned and I kind of felt like this was not the Newsong that I knew, but then Brian gave the message, we sang, we worshiped, we prayed...it felt good. There is a sense that you are connected to everyone in the room even though you don't even know any of them, not even their names. Its a good feeling...an amazing feeling..a feeling a miss. We also commissioned to mission teams that are leaving for China and Guatemala this weekend. It was pretty amazing. I'm a little apprehensive about talking about religion on my blog, just cause most people who probably read this blog don't even know me as a Christian cause its been a nonexistent part of my life in college and even to any of my friends outside of EFCTC, but I felt the Spirit moving tonight. Almost brought to tears by a damn song. "Wonderful Maker," the same song we sang at Sunday service. The song really hit me on Sunday and in the back of my head, I was still thinking about it and then Bam!, we're singing it today at the EDGE. It's just another one of those crazy things about Cali and Newsong...another one of those coincidences.

I don't know where this experience at Newsong this summer will take me. I like the people there. I want to spend more time putting myself out there and getting to know the people, but I'm still having trouble letting them get to know me. There's still this barrier, some layer of taboo things that I won't let into the conversation. And then I realize how untruthful I am being to others and to myself. I guess I shouldn't be ashamed of anything I've done or do. The only thing that makes me ashamed is the standards other people have, right?

I guess that's enough of all that right now. Need some sleep.

People I miss right now: Ben, Karen, Candice, Aron, Reena, Margo, Di, Romina, Loren, Sam, Amber

So I'm at work. For those that do not know, I've been in Cali for about a month now. I'm crashing on my brother's futon. I work as an "intern" in the campaign office of Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez and I do some side work for my brother. So I was on AIM, not paying much attention when I get this random IM from some person I don't know. I figure, what the hell, I might was well accept it. To my surprise, the guy said "Fuck you!" and then signed off. Now my first reaction is that its one of my dumb-ass friends, but I check and most of the guys who would do that have been online for hours, so it probably wasn't them. Whatever, just brush it off and get back to work, but I can't. I'm actually bothered by something as stupid as that. I start thinking of all the people I could have pissed off and maybe they sent me that IM or one of their friends sent that IM on their behalf. Its not like I have a huge list of "enemies" (and I use that term lightly), but it really bothers. I know where I've made mistakes. I was stupid last year and I burned a couple bridges which will def. not be easy to fix, if at all. I regret a lot of those mistakes. I made a promise that I was going to come back to school a new person this next semester, revitalized, especially cause now I'm gonna have a whole group of frosh to look after and I guess a whole class of JAs, being co-prez. (I always forget I'm the co-prez and actually have responsibilities to take care of.

Anyways, I haven't made much progress on that or any of my other goals for the summer. I'll admit that I've taken time to relax cause I was in dire need of some rest and time away from school. I think that's why I screwed up so much last semester, personally and academically. I took on too much stuff, got burnt out real quick and then was easily agitated. I also got very prideful and sought recognition. That's something I really need to work on. Service for the sake of serving...a true goal.

But yes, I'm already worrying about next semester. I've decided to par down my class load to a normal level (only 4 classes!!), but I can see myself screwing that up already. I already want to take a side music class which would make the load pretty hard. And I even had a dream about missing my classes on the first day and getting dropped from them. (I'm such a nerd.)

I forgot to put this in my last post and come to think about it, it deserves its own post. Thank you Rena!!! The e-mail was greatly appreciated. Haven't talked to you in so long. Almost started to forget about the people at Newsong and this past summer. That would have been a mistake. This past summer at Newsong was great. Sadly, I still have problems going to church, but I almost went today, so I guess that's a start. But thanks Rena, just for caring.

So it’s officially my birthday. I fly home in a couple of hours back to Minnesota to chill with my parents and friends. I’m going to miss California a lot. It was a crazy past weekend. Ben and Wendy came down from Berkeley for the weekend. We had a good time: went to Laguna, chilled on Corona del Mar beach with some friends from Williams and then went to the Promenade in Santa Monica to meet up with some friends from Newsong. It was kind of odd, you know, when you bring different groups of friends together. Maybe it’s just me, but I always feel like my different groups of friends are very different, and I’m always afraid that they won’t get along. I don’t know what that says about me if all my friends are so different. No consistency. Maybe it means that I lack consistency. Anyways, on Sunday my brother Mike came back from San Jose with Sandy and Dean. The apartment was packed with all six of us in a one-bedroom place. On Sunday we went to church where a cool step team from Jamaica, NY came to perform during service. Reminded of me of Sankofa back at Williams. Anyways, Sunday was fun. Ben, Wendy, and Dean left and then my mom flew in. Good times all around. Today, I spent most of the day finishing my damn report for my internship. Took some time to take Aron out for lunch for his birthday last week. Still not done with the report, but I’ll add some finishing touches when I get back to MN. Also, I got to hangout with my Newsong friends one last time. I love those guys so much. So sad to leave, but hopefully I’ll be back for a little bit at the end of August. Seriously, they are some of the most genuinely nice, laid-back people I’ve met in a while. I’ll miss them all. S3 baby! But it will be good to get back to MN to chill with everyone and hit up the National Poetry Slam which is so under advertised it makes me so friggin mad. So if you are reading this and you are in MN, go check out the National Poetry Slam.

One last thought: Ben, you rock. Best friend. Quiet poet. Thanks. Wendy, always challenging me through actions and words. S3 crew…love without knowing, even more love after knowing. Mike, you’re my brother. Thanks for a great summer. See you in Vegas for the bachelor party. Live it up while you can. Much love to everyone else in California, especially Irvine. Peace. Next stop, MN.

I am so excited. Tonight's small group was amazing and saddening. I had a really good time, but was also very sad because this was most likely the last time I will be able to go to small group. I'll be heading home soon, but I might come back to SoCal near the end of August so maybe I can see my S3 buddies again. But on another note, I am so excited for the National Poetry Slam next week. I cannot wait and I feel so overwhelmed because there are so many events that I want to go to, so many people I want to see, and so little time. Also, I feel a little uninformed about the whole event, but here's hoping it all goes well.
One very important thing that I took away from tonight's small group is doing things for God rather than for myself. A very tough thing to do and something I rarely think of, especially when I am working. Its hard for me to fathom right now how most of my previous jobs could have been done for God. Something to think about.

yeah. I'm excited. I get to go home soon. I can't wait to see my parents and friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying California, but I want to get home to my own room and my own bed. Also, it means that I'm closer to going back to school. I'm really excited to get back to Williams and to chill with my friends there. But I still have a week in California and Ben, Wendy, and Joe might come down from Berkeley to see me this weekend. Yeah! Yeah!

Music Suggestion: "Tree City Legends" by Denizen Kane- I am addicted to this CD right now. Some Chicago underground hip hop. Get it if you can.

I've decided that I need a community. I've been getting nostalgic, thinking about Minnesota. I'm in California right now, but I'll be home in two weeks. At first, I felt very alone in California. I had my brother, but that was it. I guess I started missing my friends. Then I met my small group, and they are an amazing bunch. I wish I had more time to spend with them and connect, but so it goes. I think something that struck me was that most of them are Asian. The only real Asian community I've ever been a part of has been a Christian Asian community, either in Minnesota or California. There is nothing wrong with it, but I want more. I don't know how, but I want to be a part of a strong Asian community. Too often I find that Asian kids I meet are too willing to fall into roles set for them by society. I'm just searching for a community.

So I went to small group tonight and though I still feel out of place there, since I'm not a UCI kid, I still feel very at home there. I'm not sure what it is, but being at small group gives me a lot of peace. I continually look forward to going there and though I don't know everyone in my group very well, I wish I did. Sadly, I am slow to get to know people and open up. It makes me sad to think that I only have one more time with them all. I think that small group and Newsong are things that I will really miss about California. I have even thought about moving to Irvine, just so I could go to church at Newsong. Its not like Newsong is the greatest church on the planet, but something has drawn me to it. Maybe its God. All I know, its the first time I have consistently gone to church in over a year and a half.

On another note, I find myself continually questioning where my life is going. I can't seem to figure out what I want to do once I leave college or if continuing in college is the right step for me. I still value a good education, but when I think of the possibilities of jobs for me, very few come to mind. I find it hard for me to do much unless it involves creating something, something physical, something tangible. I thought I had resolved my issues with college and Williams, but it seems that was false hope. I guess my college career just hasn't lived up to what I had imagined. Partly, I always thought that I would go to a school that I was totally sure of, but I'm not totally sure of Williams. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go to NYU or Berkeley. I guess the small school and isolation is getting to me. I just can't stand how apathetic the student body is at Williams. Also, though I used to love the party/drinking lifestyle of Williams, I am becoming less inclined toward it. Partly because of the new stirrings in my spiritual life, but also because I realize that that lifestyle is not real. There is so much fake shit in the world and it's sad how much time we have to spend sifting through it to find those small pieces of truth.