So I went to small group tonight and though I still feel out of place there, since I'm not a UCI kid, I still feel very at home there. I'm not sure what it is, but being at small group gives me a lot of peace. I continually look forward to going there and though I don't know everyone in my group very well, I wish I did. Sadly, I am slow to get to know people and open up. It makes me sad to think that I only have one more time with them all. I think that small group and Newsong are things that I will really miss about California. I have even thought about moving to Irvine, just so I could go to church at Newsong. Its not like Newsong is the greatest church on the planet, but something has drawn me to it. Maybe its God. All I know, its the first time I have consistently gone to church in over a year and a half.
On another note, I find myself continually questioning where my life is going. I can't seem to figure out what I want to do once I leave college or if continuing in college is the right step for me. I still value a good education, but when I think of the possibilities of jobs for me, very few come to mind. I find it hard for me to do much unless it involves creating something, something physical, something tangible. I thought I had resolved my issues with college and Williams, but it seems that was false hope. I guess my college career just hasn't lived up to what I had imagined. Partly, I always thought that I would go to a school that I was totally sure of, but I'm not totally sure of Williams. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go to NYU or Berkeley. I guess the small school and isolation is getting to me. I just can't stand how apathetic the student body is at Williams. Also, though I used to love the party/drinking lifestyle of Williams, I am becoming less inclined toward it. Partly because of the new stirrings in my spiritual life, but also because I realize that that lifestyle is not real. There is so much fake shit in the world and it's sad how much time we have to spend sifting through it to find those small pieces of truth.
On another note, I find myself continually questioning where my life is going. I can't seem to figure out what I want to do once I leave college or if continuing in college is the right step for me. I still value a good education, but when I think of the possibilities of jobs for me, very few come to mind. I find it hard for me to do much unless it involves creating something, something physical, something tangible. I thought I had resolved my issues with college and Williams, but it seems that was false hope. I guess my college career just hasn't lived up to what I had imagined. Partly, I always thought that I would go to a school that I was totally sure of, but I'm not totally sure of Williams. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go to NYU or Berkeley. I guess the small school and isolation is getting to me. I just can't stand how apathetic the student body is at Williams. Also, though I used to love the party/drinking lifestyle of Williams, I am becoming less inclined toward it. Partly because of the new stirrings in my spiritual life, but also because I realize that that lifestyle is not real. There is so much fake shit in the world and it's sad how much time we have to spend sifting through it to find those small pieces of truth.
posted by E at 4:05 AM
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