Ah shit, reading other people's blogs gave me the urge to put down something of substance, even though I'm dead tired. Not sure why I'm tired since I've been lounging on the beach for the last 5 days. Anyways, some lessons learned in Hawaii that I feel I need to write down, at least for my own sake. Funny, these lessons were not learned really during my Zen training but after the fact during what was supposed to be my vacation.

So here it us, the most profound thing ever discovered: Girls suck. Yes, I have yet another drama to add to the never ending list of heartache or maybe its stupidity. Gotta thank all the people who endured my incessant phone calls from Hawaii. Maureen, Arnaub, Amber, and Corinna. Thanks, especially to Corinna and Amber cause I woke them up at 5 am on different occasions cause I couldn't figure out the concept of different time zones. Guess that happens when you are drunk and stumbling through Waikiki. Anyways, some pieces of advice that struck me. As much shit as I (and every other friend of ours,) give Kee Won about trying for girls out of his league, I'm just as much a victim. I say victim cause I'm too blind to see this own default. Also, I should clarify. I don't think the issue is me or Kee Won trying for girls out of our league, but just seeking the wrong ones. More importantly, we are seeing in certain girls what is really not there. And as Arnaub said, I'm sick of being the good friend. The one they think of as a brother or as the safe, gay friend.

Had and interesting conversation with a guy named Sam in Hawaii. He is doing Zen training, and though I still think he is a little weird, he's got some interesting stuff to say. Basically, the reason girls go for jocks is because with jocks, there are no surprises. You get what you see. He said that the most dangerous guy is the sensitive one because they can turn on a girl at any second. There is always something hidden. To some effect, I agree with Sam. Sam has some other insightful things to say about girls, but that's for another time.

Anyways, I got burned by a girl in Hawaii, a girl on my trip. But whatever, I'm getting over it, mostly due to great friends who know when to say the right things. Corinna, thanks, I needed those kind words today. But yeah, Maureen's advice of taking time for myself is one I really need to take seriously. When I look back, I really haven't had a moment in college where there wasn't someone that I liked. And we can see how well all those things turned out. Ti really is frustrating though because when there is a girl I like, I'm usually willing to do anything for that person and I will come up with crazy things to show how I care. Sad thing is that has kind of become part of my public nature. Crazy special things are no longer seen as special by people but on par with who I am. Given, I don't do the things I do fro recognition, but rather to make people feel better, but c'mon, don't expect this shit and take it for granted. I admit its my own fault for letting love interests screw with my life. I've done some things which were detrimental to my grades, life, budget, etc, but I accept the fact that it was of my own accord. The question is, should I really stop going out of my way for other people? Maureen said that if it becomes too much of a daily thing, its hard for other people to distinguish the special moments. Damn, that sucks that life has to be shitty at times for us to really take notice of the special moments, but I guess that it's true. We judge everything comparatively.