I'm losing faith. I think I've close to lost my faith in organized religion. Not saying I lost faith in God, but faith in the machine that pushes the Word. I agree with Reid when he said that church is scary because people are too nice. And maybe it is the jaded part of our personalities that doesn't allow us to trust, but the truth us, I trust most people, but fuck, you always end up getting hurt. Most important truth I've learned lately is that you can't avoid hurt. You can try to prevent, but that only works to a certain extent. The best thing is being able to heal after the hurt.

Playing games, or the game specifically, is such bullshit. I mean, for me, I got no clue how the fucking game even works, and I don't want to know. It really is bullshit. I'd rather have everything upfront in life. The mystery has been too romanticized. I mean, why beat around the bush about things, when it can keep you from getting to those wonderful moments? Damn, with no class or finals anymore, I'm having too much time to think and ponder all this shit. But I guess that is what I will be doing over break, looking for greater, simpler truths. I keep joking that I will come back from this Zen training in Hawaii a better, calmer, more enlightened person. I joke, but I really hope it is true. Alright, time to go hang with my ghetto child, Ingrid.