So first thing back from Thanksgiving Break and I get sick. I felt like shit on Sunday, completely exhausted. I was barely able to stand in line at the snack bar; I felt like I was about to faint. And then I woke up this morning with shooting pains in my right arm, no to mention the fact that my sleep last night was less than pleasurable. I was so confused when I woke up this morning, feeling like I couldn't distinguish the dream from reality. Not really how I wanted to start my two weeks of "finals hell."
Anyways, I went to a talk tonight which dealt partially on ideas of Taoism and then on general ideas of spiritualism. Intertwined with a talk on AIM with a friend about spiritualism and religion, I got to thinking about my own spirituality. Since I've kind of "given up" to some degree on organized religion, I wonder if I am still spiritual. For most of my life, my spirituality was directly linked to my religion and now that I am no longer officially practicing religion, does that mean I've lost that piece of spirituality in my life? I really don't have a concrete answer yet. I think spirituality is strongly linked to self-awareness and being able to deconstruct one's relationship with the world and the universe as a whole. Have I been in deep meditation lately regarding these ideas? Probably not, but they are on the edge of my thoughts usually. I think the most interesting idea brought up tonight by the speaker I went to was the idea of clearing your mind of all things, of throwing everything into the fire before entering into prayer. Now these ideas are not really new, much of it was just a reminder of the stuff I learned on my Zen trip to Hawaii last year, but the idea of clearing yourself of all things before entering into prayer, that really got me thinking. I mean, how many people actually do that?
Prayer is so conditioned. You pray before meals and you pray before bed and maybe when you wake up; the only other times you pray are usually when you are in need (I know this is a vast generalization, but I think it holds some truth.) Now I'm no Christian scholar, but I'm reminded of something I read or learned way back in Sunday school about how when you pray to God, you don't need to ask for anything, because he knows all your needs in advance, etc. etc., But if what Mr. Saso said tonight is true, if you are supposed to go into prayer, completely devoid of all thought, then you wouldn't be thinking of anything and thus would not be able to ask God for anything. For him to answer your prayers, he'd have to know what you needed without you verbalizing it in prayer. Hmmm...that seems to fit with what I learned in Sunday school. It makes sense when compared to other religions, especially East Asian ones where you go into meditation (i.e. prayer) with a cleared mind and you are supposed to experience enlightenment or the great spirits (or in comparison to Christianity, God). Funny how all these religions intersect. A great point Mr. Saso brought up tonight was that the reason there seems to be so many similarities between different religions is very logical because we are all humans and thus would approach issues of spirituality in similar ways.
Anyways, I just thought this whole idea of clearing your mind of all thoughts, of throwing all your things into the fire to detach yourself from this world was really interesting. I mean, if you are supposed to pray that way, then most of the world is probably praying wrong. If you pray in such an organized fashion like before meals to give thanks, there is no way to have a clear mind. And then if you pray when in need, your mind is not clear, but rather focused on the problem at hand. This reminds me again about my Zen experience. We were taught to live in the moment, to let the things in the past fall away and not think about the future because it hasn't happened yet. In a sense, we were taught to detach ourselves from the world and the constraints of the world, to keep our minds clear and experience things as we experienced them. Seems a little similar to the idea of prayer, just pray, not because you are in need and worrying about the past and future, pray to pray, to experience God, Enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it.
Last thing, the idea of being able to throw all aspects of yourself in to the fire was very intriguing. It got me thinking about how, even to people we are so close to, we pick and chose what we want to reveal to them about ourselves. Why do we do this? Are we ashamed of who we are? Are we ashamed of what they might think of us? About their judgement? I've said it many times in this blog before, but I continually hope that this blog acts less as a "what I did today" for my friends to read, but more of a continual open book about myself that people can read and pull out things about me that they might not figure out fro an initial interaction with me. Ya know?
Anyways, back to work.
Anyways, I went to a talk tonight which dealt partially on ideas of Taoism and then on general ideas of spiritualism. Intertwined with a talk on AIM with a friend about spiritualism and religion, I got to thinking about my own spirituality. Since I've kind of "given up" to some degree on organized religion, I wonder if I am still spiritual. For most of my life, my spirituality was directly linked to my religion and now that I am no longer officially practicing religion, does that mean I've lost that piece of spirituality in my life? I really don't have a concrete answer yet. I think spirituality is strongly linked to self-awareness and being able to deconstruct one's relationship with the world and the universe as a whole. Have I been in deep meditation lately regarding these ideas? Probably not, but they are on the edge of my thoughts usually. I think the most interesting idea brought up tonight by the speaker I went to was the idea of clearing your mind of all things, of throwing everything into the fire before entering into prayer. Now these ideas are not really new, much of it was just a reminder of the stuff I learned on my Zen trip to Hawaii last year, but the idea of clearing yourself of all things before entering into prayer, that really got me thinking. I mean, how many people actually do that?
Prayer is so conditioned. You pray before meals and you pray before bed and maybe when you wake up; the only other times you pray are usually when you are in need (I know this is a vast generalization, but I think it holds some truth.) Now I'm no Christian scholar, but I'm reminded of something I read or learned way back in Sunday school about how when you pray to God, you don't need to ask for anything, because he knows all your needs in advance, etc. etc., But if what Mr. Saso said tonight is true, if you are supposed to go into prayer, completely devoid of all thought, then you wouldn't be thinking of anything and thus would not be able to ask God for anything. For him to answer your prayers, he'd have to know what you needed without you verbalizing it in prayer. Hmmm...that seems to fit with what I learned in Sunday school. It makes sense when compared to other religions, especially East Asian ones where you go into meditation (i.e. prayer) with a cleared mind and you are supposed to experience enlightenment or the great spirits (or in comparison to Christianity, God). Funny how all these religions intersect. A great point Mr. Saso brought up tonight was that the reason there seems to be so many similarities between different religions is very logical because we are all humans and thus would approach issues of spirituality in similar ways.
Anyways, I just thought this whole idea of clearing your mind of all thoughts, of throwing all your things into the fire to detach yourself from this world was really interesting. I mean, if you are supposed to pray that way, then most of the world is probably praying wrong. If you pray in such an organized fashion like before meals to give thanks, there is no way to have a clear mind. And then if you pray when in need, your mind is not clear, but rather focused on the problem at hand. This reminds me again about my Zen experience. We were taught to live in the moment, to let the things in the past fall away and not think about the future because it hasn't happened yet. In a sense, we were taught to detach ourselves from the world and the constraints of the world, to keep our minds clear and experience things as we experienced them. Seems a little similar to the idea of prayer, just pray, not because you are in need and worrying about the past and future, pray to pray, to experience God, Enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it.
Last thing, the idea of being able to throw all aspects of yourself in to the fire was very intriguing. It got me thinking about how, even to people we are so close to, we pick and chose what we want to reveal to them about ourselves. Why do we do this? Are we ashamed of who we are? Are we ashamed of what they might think of us? About their judgement? I've said it many times in this blog before, but I continually hope that this blog acts less as a "what I did today" for my friends to read, but more of a continual open book about myself that people can read and pull out things about me that they might not figure out fro an initial interaction with me. Ya know?
Anyways, back to work.
Labels: Religion, Sick, Spirituality, Thoughts
posted by E at 1:35 AM
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