So after a crazy night and a day of hellish recuperation, I've pieced together my night through conversations with people that were less than enlightening. From now on you can call me Caesar cause that is what I was telling everyone in the snack bar last night, with evergreen leaves behind my ears. And Anna, she is now Cleopatra. Anyways, today was horrible. Food was not my friend. And now I'm wondering if last night was a nice little wake up call. I mean, I had fun, but there are things that I regret. The thing is, I think people are getting a bad impression of me and when I am drunk, things are said that I'd rather keep to myself. Not usually bad things, but issues that I am not ready to deal with and the whole repercussions in the morning is never fun.

Thank God for good friends. Friends who are willing to drop everything for you and friends that forgive. I'm lucky to have such a good group of friends, especially my girls. What would life be without them? Anyways, whenever you have a night like last night, you feel the need to do some serious soul searching. Like why do I drink? I'll be honest. I went out last night with the intention of getting drunk. Given that I didn't really drink a lot last night and I think a lot of the craziness was due to that infamous brownie, but should I allow myself those times where I say, hey I usually don't get really wasted, but once in a while, I can do it?

I don't know. I just have issues that I really need to deal with, especially things involving Chloe. I just need to stop being such a wimp and say whatever is on my mind. I also just need to chill. This past week really got me stressed cause I was up for a couple days straight working and then I was just on edge. And now its 1 am and I haven't even started studying for my Chinese test tomorrow. Shit. But I don't even want to go to sleep anyways. I want to stay up all night, which I know will really mess up the rest of my week. Damn.

I really need to find an outlet for myself. Some kind of creative outlet that I can call my own and that can be my own always. A friend suggested that I need to get some more alone time just to think and be. Probably the best advice I've gotten in a long time. Man, I just wish some things could go back to the way they were. There are a lot of people I miss so much. I just wish things were like they were in better days. Problem is, I just don't know how to do that. Don't know how to make radical changes to relationships. Hell, I suck at relationships in general. Just playing it by ear too much. But I really miss some people. Okay, back to work. I'm sure I'll be back again tonight cause I got a lot of work ahead.