Since I've started this web log, I've been reading random web logs on the net. I guess I was hoping that most of the web logs would be profound places for thought and conversation, but most of them are whiny teenagers talking about shit that has no meaning. It seems like they write just because they can. I guess there is nothing wrong with that but it speaks about our current society and I'm not sure if it is positive. Given, my web log does not contain anything truly profound. I'm even finding myself trying to plan my writings as I feel I need to entertain my audience. I don't even know if I have an audience. I haven’t really told anyone about this web log, except put it on my IM profile. (By the way, if anyone wants to know, my IM screen name is: corporate killah.)
I think my problem with web logs is that many people use it as an extension of their lazy and lonely selves. For me, I use it as a place to find some peace. It sounds kind of stupid, but I get to speak and no one can say anything against it. I suppose I could put in some sort of comment option, but I don't know how and I don't want to give up that piece of invincibility. But I also use the web log to open up to my friends as I don't have the time sometimes to and I don't have the ability to. Some people say that being able to open up online and not in person is a sign of fakeness. I disagree. I think most people feel much more comfortable being open and vulnerable when online because in our hearts, we are truly frightened children. Being online gives us some anonymity, but also a barrier, some protection from reality. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you don't let that become your life. Okay enough about the profoundness of web logs.
So I've been trying to do some writing lately, trying to get back into the habit of doing it lately. It’s so hard. I find myself hitting roadblocks everywhere, but most of all, I am being too self-conscious. I always want to create a masterpiece or at least something unique and if it isn't, I get really frustrated. So I have found myself turning to this addictive web log. UGHH!! Since no one expects perfection or much significance from a web log, I feel safer and more in control writing here.
Right now I'm sitting on my brother's balcony in a lawn chair, basking in the lush California sunlight. I feel great. I just want to stay here all day and all night. I was thinking of spending an hour just meditating today. Haven't done it yet. Maybe I'll find the time to do it later tonight.