I've given up on it all. Fuck it...seriously, I have better things to do with my time. I spent the last few years to get out of that focus, and now, when I was finally close, I put myself in the worst possible situations. Well, I seriously need that extra time, so I cast it all away now. It's not worth the risks, its not worth the enemies, and its not worth the heartbreak. I wish I could say that I was drunk while writing this, but sadly, I drank tonight and wasn't drunk at all. Just ridiculously weird situations that shouldn't have been. This is not what I think about, this is not what I dream of, so why except it as is? I don't have to; I have that certain luxury in this point in my life and I might as well use it. So as much as it will hurt, I call it quits and in all reality, had I ever started? I should have listened to Ben's advice from the start. He's usually been right (a good track record so far) with advice. Their a reasons and principles to why I have chosen to do things in my life and to throw that all away? Stupid me. The hard part will be the separation of myself from the many situations without the separation of my presence. Separation does not mean no longer caring, just an augmentation of things to a better plane, for both people. God damn, I think I've lost myself in my own cryptic ass writing. Hmmm...maybe it is time for me to just submerge myself into my entry. It's so weird to be in a position where my opinion matters and actually holds some weight solely on the position that I hold. Ha, what a joke! And worse over, it puts me on a unequal playing field where, i guess, I'm left with all my problems unseen or unheard. Fuck, that really sucks. The day will come hopefully.

And why can't I stop listening to "cruisin?"

"Baby let's cruise, away from here/don't be confused, the way is clear/and if you want it, you got it, forever/this is not a one-night stand, baby/yeah, so, let the music take your mind/just release and you will find/you're gonna fly away, glad you're goin my way/i love it when we're cruisin together/music is played to love/grovin was made for love/i love it when we're cruisin together

I think i fucked up some of those lyrics, but whatever. Good song for the time being. Whatever, i really should get sleep...